Wine
For hipsters, wine is the ultimate sign of the mastery of all things culture. For girls, wine is the ultimate way to show you’re classier than those who would drink “beer” or “jagermeister” or “homemade moonshine.” For guys, wine is the ultimate way to show how you’re mature and rich and potentially gay.
For me, wine is equal to one of those headaches that make you groan all day so others can understand that you feel you have an enraged wolverine loose in your skull.
Nevertheless, wine is a subject that you simply have to have an opinion on. So, I’m providing you some things to say in the company of others in order to show how much you know about fermented grapes (that’s wine).
- Have you heard of the five S’s? That’s Swirl, Sniff, Sip, Swish, Spit. That’s why they only pour you less than half a glass, so you can get your nose right in there and smell it. Yeah. Sounds stupid to me too. I have my own five S’s: Sip, Swig, Slur, Stumble, Sorry…
- Here’s what I don’t get – a good wine tastes like dirt. It’s supposed to. Oh, this wine? It’s made from oak, grape and compost. It’s a 1992, great year in compost.
- Did you know that in the late 1800’s a lot of French grapes where destroyed by rouse? And that in order to save the crop, they imported grapes from Missouri? So, whenever you think you’re being classy by drinking French wine, remember, those grapes are from probably one of the least classy states in the Union.
- In my opinion, being a sommelier is like being paid to be a raging drunk. And the best part, who can argue with you? “Carlo Rossi goes really well with artichoke. Trust me, I’m a sommelier.” What a stupid/awesome job.
- I’m picking up a hint of oak, are you getting that?
- I’d drink wine, but I don’t like to be difficult. You know?
In my opinion, Giant 47lb Rooster is the best. Especially the cab.
Wine is so pedestrian. I’d much rather smell my own farts and listen to music you’ve never heard of.
1. you need to do a clearly defined hipster argument. what constitutes a hipster? as pbr, high life and keystone being drank by a 20 something who’s parents love wine and paid for their college education seems a lot more hipster to me than some yupps hitting up jp wine bar.
2. as i’ve began to do some cookin i’ve discovered wine is nice for certain dishes. beer is too though and possibly more masculine.
3. i’m a big fan of time and place. there’s a time and place for wine and there’s a time and place for not acting like drinking a cheap domestic beer is beneath you.
4. i met a sommelier one time. get this, the guy wasn’t even an asshole or full of himself. i didn’t think it was possible.