Italians, Let Us Have One
How many of you have a best friend who is Italian? What about your significant other? Oh, you’re Italian? Perfect. I bet I can tell you three things about yourself without even having to meet you. One, nobody messes with your family. And I mean nobody. Two, you, your mom or your grandma is the best cook in the world. It’s a point that is not up for debate. And three, your faith is what sustains you. That’s family, food and religion – all three wrapped up and secured by the Italian culture. So I ask you, what’s left for the rest of us?
Now let me be very, very clear here. I’m not upset at the Italian culture for this. I’m jealous. I’m jealous that they get to have incredibly loud, obnoxious family gatherings and do so in the name of closeness. I’m jealous that they get to gather around huge dinner tables with four generations of dishes simmering with goodness right in front of them. And I’m jealous that they are all sustained by a higher purpose and power. I’m jealous because they took the three best things about culture and everyone knows it.
Think about it. Back in the day, how many of you were mad at a guy or girl at school who did something to you that was just inexcusable? You stayed up all night scheming to get him/her back, and just before you carried out your plan, you ran it by your bff just for good measure. Then out of nowhere, you’re told, “Don’t mess with him, man. His family runs deep.” Translation: They’re Italian. You mess with one, you mess with them all. There might have even been a mafia drop in there at some point. I mean, can you imagine how awesome it would be to have the mafia card in your back pocket just in case? It’s never, ever true. But just knowing that some mafia somewhere exists, or at least does in the movies, is enough to scare all of us from messing with the kid who took your lunch money.
And when you see their families on tv or if you’re lucky enough to marry into one, you’ll notice that family gettogethers are incredible. Out of control good times. Everyone’s welcome. Everyone’s dancing. Everyone’s laughing. Everyone’s a part of the family immediately – just because. How did that happen?
Oh, and food. Don’t even get me started on food. We all know how good their food is, and how incredible it is to eat at one of the parties or family gettogethers I mentioned above. There’s simply nothing like it.
And to boot, they’re all bonded by their faith. No matter what they do, at the end of the day, the Italian culture is bonded by their ties to a higher power. Not only that, but the headquarters of that religion, and the religion of a majority of people in this great country of ours – yeah, it’s in Italy. And no, you can’t tour the archives. It’s too incredible and secret and awesome. Think about this: there is such sought after, amazing stuff hidden in the Vatican that there is a police force from the most neutral country in the world on staff 24/7 to protect it. Now, I want you to tell me one other place this happens, and I’ll rest my case.
So I simply need to know, is there anything left for the rest of us? Because the Italian culture pretty much has the inside track on everything worth having the inside track on. At least, it seems that way to this poor Scottish writer.
Here is what is left – drinking. German families drink just as much as Irish families. In fact, my German grandma is often the drunkest one at family functions.