Chipotle (Chip-oh-tul)
(I spelled it phonetically so you don’t sound like an asshole when you try to over-pronounce it)
This is a fresh Mexican grill that managed to outlast the little fad – Qdoba and Z-Teca, I’m talking about you. Chipotle is incredible. I’d eat it everyday if it weren’t for those times you go and get the one bad bite – the bite with the weird fatty piece of meat with the strange gristle on it. Sick.
So, if you’re like me and love Chipotle but you just don’t know how to talk about it around your friends – fear not. Below, I’ve given you some things to say so that people around you realize you know your way around a burrito or soft tacos or burrito bowl:
- Chipotle? Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. I love the stories they write on the cups… but I wish they’d come up with some new ones. I’ve read all of them and am getting pretty damn sick of the one about the guy who can’t wear the same shirt for dinner that he did to lunch. Maybe they could start doing puzzles or something.
- You know the worst thing about Chipotle? The people who feel the need to reach over the sneeze guard to point at what they want. There is a very finite amount of ingredients and these workers make a million burritos a day, they know what “hot sauce” is without you sticking your finger in it.
- Here’s the thing, I know how to order in Spanish – but I don’t know if people see that as a bad thing. I mean – do I score points if I say “lechuga” rather than lettuce? Also, is it showing off that I know that “bisteak” means steak? You know what, I’ll just order in English. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I hate the guy who orders in Spanish?
- Oh, Chipotle? Yeah, I’m an old pro. I know exactly what I want. I think the workers really appreciate my obvious grill proficiency.
- Chipotle is cool except for the “rice” bite. I get one bite with the meat and sauce and other good stuff – but the other bite is all rice. I know you can have them mix it all up for you, but that just seems like too much trouble. You know?
The rice bite is 83% butter.
If you look at the the Weight Watchers points program, a normal man can consume 25 points… for girls its like 18. That’s in a day.
The Chicken Chipotle (Chì-pöt-lè… by the way Birds) Burrito racks up a whopping 35 points.
Those “all natural” ingredients are going to take this country and its burrito loving citizens into a diabetic, heart disease ridden nose-dive of obesity and worthlessness.
Here’s an idea WW Points nazi, go without the rice.
I like a scoop of the corn and a scoop of the green, but I’m just silly like that.
Agreed, Rob. Gotta love that good ol’ American diet. My only complaint…$1.50 guacamole. Really, Chipotle? Really?