To be a Motorcyclist
No one will ever confuse me for a motorcycle person, but that’s not to say I hate them. I just have several unresolved issues that make me hesitant to jump in feet first. And those are the issues I’m going to go over with you, right now.
- Have you ever been in college (or I guess even high school) and the motorcycle guy comes in and sits next to you. Not only is he wearing is stupid leather jacket but he’s carrying his huge helmet. There’s no good place to put that thing. Not to mention the whole motorcycle ethos which is to be tough and not exactly fun to sit by whilst learning about computations and permutations.
- Why are they so god damn loud? I get it. You want to rev your engine and be awesome. Ok. But Jesus. There’s a point of diminishing returns.
- Does it count as a motorcycle if its one of those gigantic things old people get? I mean, they have two-wheels and all, but they’re bigger than a Dodge Neon. They come with windshields and a helmet with a microphone… surely those don’t count.
- Motorcycles are too polarizing. For instance, I’ve been in cars where a bike screams by then weaves in and out of traffic. Simultaneously I’ll here “whoa, that was fucking awesome” and “ohh, so cool and tough (in a mocking tone)”.
- How come they call themselves bikers? I feel like it’d be way classier if they referred to themselves as motorcyclists. As in, “Pleasure to meet you kind sir, I, myself, am a motorcyclist of the highest order.” That’d be someone I’d like to meet. I imagine them having a handlebar mustache and a pocket watch.
- Again, this is probably just me, but there isn’t any honor in you flying around on one of those things in the rain. None.
- Can a guy on a motorcycle get mad at a guy on a a regular bike whose holding up traffic?
- Oh, and then there’s the chance that I could die at any moment just for getting into a fender bender. That little detail is somewhat offputting to me.
I would never ride on a motorcycle, but I think a trip in a war-era sidecar on a paved country road might be nice, especially if manuevered by a Mr. Gates (bbq) looking guy (Scott Diesel).
In my mind, motorcycles are just like anything else that is stupid, but even smart people do it: casual drugs, alcohol, watching TV for hours on end, paying $10 to go to the movie theater, putting things off to the last minute, skydiving, etc. The list goes on and on. Logically, there’s no argument: they are far more dangerous than cars, they do not pick up (classy) girls/guys, I believe they depreciate faster than cars, and you can’t drive them in all weathers. Perhaps they are thrilling, perhaps a certain status symbol you hope to obtain (like “Hi, I’m kinda low-class but I have enough money to waste on this thing”), but I would love to hear a well worded argument that is pro-motorcycles.
I don’t think all that much about motorcycles, but I also don’t hate them as much as it sounds like I do. I just think there are better places for your money/time.
http://www.caimag.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/curious-case-benjamin-button-sunglasses-11.jpg
This picture is the best pro motorcycle argument there is. Situated equidistantly between the polar opposites of the crotch rocket and the windshielded, retiree driven RV on two wheels sits the motorcycle at its iconic best, the Indian 101 Scout. When combined with a leather riding jacket and a pair of aviators, it evokes pure Americana and is a status symbol that says
“I am man. I have seen war, I have spilled blood. I have known the love of a woman. Everything i do is effortless, timeless, and fashionable. I lend class and credibility to any action. I have taken coffee from a leather pouch on my saddle bag and brewed it over a campfire while wrangling wild mustangs on the range. When I light a cigarette, it is done with great gravity and profundity as i ponder the world and all the friends i have lost. My dinner jacket is woven from a 500 year old mill worked by my forefather and i keep a bottle of scotch in my desk drawer at the office. Weather, value, danger, these things are of no concern to me because i am the master of my own fate and will wander the earth by whatever means i see fit.”
Ah, to the uninformed, motorcycles are indeed a passion without purpose.
Let me address your concerns in a somewhat systematic (or completely irrational) form.
First, you need to develop a differentiation between the “crotch rocket”-er and the Harley/cruising owner. Yes, you may think of “Cruisers” as larger than a Neon, but these are mostly reserved as the Honda Gold Wing or some other Japanese atrocity (it’s the same country that spawned the movie Godzilla, if you recall).
God, I hate Reed C.
The Harley guy is a stereotypically “white trash” or “low class” just as the Reed C’s of the world are probably stereotypically “pretentious” or “kind of an asshole”.
Reed C. might be an idiot. They do NOT devalue faster than cars (if you buy a well kept Harley Davidson and keep it in fine form, it will be a nice little investment, as compared to the stock market in the last 24 months), but yes, if you buy a sporty “rice rocket” and go flying into the back of an 18-wheeler, well let’s just say depreciation is the least of your problems.
The helmet is typically not a full faced helmet if you ride an upright bike, no we are not trying to break land speed records, just simply enjoy the feeling of riding the steel horse we call Harley, hell we’re practically an equestrian spin-off.
We’re loud because people driving cars are typically moronic. Yes, we want you to see us, we pray to God you see us, because most people who have not ridden a motorcycle do not care for our right to share the same road as you. You typically like pulling out into the middle of the street in front of me, talking on your cell phone and have no knowledge of operating a standard transmission, so keep on living your ignorant driving life while you get you “license” renewed every 24 years.
But, hey, keep on hating without ever speaking to a friend or family member who appreciate the right to own and operate a motorcycle. It is a privilege and responsibility I respect dearly, and Reed C. can go suck it.
Live to Ride. Ride to Live.
mjb
MJB,
It’s weird how I am “pretentious” or “kind of an asshole,” yet after reading ONE post of mine which I finished with: “I don’t think all that much [of] motorcycles, but I also don’t hate them as much as it sounds like I do. I just think there are better places for your money/time,” you said that you hate me (as in, me personally) and you told me to “go suck it”.
I guess you’re right, I AM the asshole.
I also said “I BELIEVE they depreciate faster than cars,” to which you replied I “might be an idiot.”
Also, I’m still not going to concede that point, because I was talking about depreciation vs. miles driven, which is typically how a car’s value is measured (if you own a 1967 corvette that is kept in great shape, I’m sure it was a great investment too).
To your distinction between Harleys, crotch rockets, and cruisers, they are all motorcycles and thus target for criticism in this article and its comments.
If you want to talk about JUST Harleys, then fine. I still think that most people who drive them fall into your referenced category of “white trash.” And, as I stated earlier, I believe anyone intelligent who owns/drives a motorcycle is STILL a smart person doing something stupid (see above post). Sure, most of the accidents are due to automobile drivers and not the “bikers,” yet it is still FAR less safe than driving a car.
“Hell we’re practically an equestrian spin-off.” Ha. You mean the chunk of metal flying past me that just took six months off of my hearing capability?
“…have no knowledge of operating a standard transmission…” Why does this disqualify someone from driving or criticizing bikers? I don’t think you should be banned from computers because you can’t set up analog circuits or because you don’t even know how a resistor/capacitor/inductor works. I actually can drive a stick shift, but it’s a dumb point nonetheless.
All in all, your hatred was probably as unfounded as your arguments. If it helps you sleep at night though, go for it.
Love,
Reed C.
Ding. Ding. Round 2.
A feisty one, but nonetheless up for the challenge.
I will submit that I did not fully read through your original comment, and in doing so I passed on your last line. So for that, I apologize. With that being said, I also concede the point that I do not really “hate” any commenter of a blog (especially somebody I have no idea about), but rather see the use of over-zealous words in petty discussion as a means for awesome responses (this also goes for my use of the word “idiot” and “suck it”).
I was pointing out that you MAY be a “pretentious asshole” just like I MAY be “low class”. I am a firm believer that I am not “low class” so I didn’t lend much credence to the the statement (The verdict is still out whether you are in fact an asshole, I have really no reason to judge you, sans two pithy comments, so I mean toss-up still in effect, right
).
I’m a firm believer that drivers who have the most basic knowledge of operating a car (ie. driving a standard transmission) make a driver not only more aware of his/her surroundings, but more adept and in-tune with his/her specific skill sets, lending to a better driver (yes, you can still talk on a cell phone and eat a cheeseburger while driving a stick, but it’s astronomically more difficult).
You go and read up on Harley Davidson depreciation vs. auto depreciation and let me know what you find. Or don’t and keep thinking you’re right.
But hey, we’re having fun now.
Deepest, sincerest, most inebriated regards,
mjb
I couldn’t find anything on Harley depreciation vs. car depreciation. I did find something fun though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCfzjFwri4Y
I realize that not all Harley drivers are low class, and I know that they are not all even unintelligent, as I have previously stated. I know a guy who is incredibly smart, a surgeon, and drives a Harley. I won’t dwell on the fact that he just went through a divorce and is in the middle of what most call a “mid-life crisis,” but I will reiterate that his motorcycle owning and operating can be described as “a smart person doing a dumb thing.” Look, I get it, I don’t always make the smartest decisions, and there are a few things that I do which I cannot logically defend. In my opinion, you have not logically defended driving a motorcycle, and the more I hear in favor of motorcycles, the less likely I think it will be that someone will marginally convince me.
Also, the fact that you “see the use of over-zealous words in petty discussion as a means for awesome responses” is sooo Harley.
The road starts here. It never ends.
Haha.
Haha to the “sooo Harley” drop. So true.
As for the video, yes, there are probably a few people in this world that we would all be better off if they weened themselves out of the gene pool. I will not and cannot defend everyone who has ever rode a motorcycle (and as a point of clarification, you “ride” a motorcycle, not “drive”…it’s the little things…ha).
As long as we all do dumb things, ie. the accidental three lane switch to make your exit, smoke the occasional cigarette, step outside and take a deep breath of city air, pull start a lawnmower…then yes, I guess we will have to find room for motorcyclists.
All I ask is that drivers don’t make it anymore dangerous for responsible motorcycle riders.
The ones who speed by on one wheel, hell if your door accidentally pops open, I’d probably understand…
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey…
Haha…good little back and forth, awesome!
I would like to ride a motorcycle for the following reason:
I was driving down the interstate one day, and as I’m passing an on-ramp, something catches my eye. I look over and see a guy on a crotch rocket doing a wheelie as he’s entering the highway. We’ve all probably seen some highway stunts by crotch-rocketeers, but this guy was different. Not only was he hauling ass doing a wheelie as he was merging, but he was wearing business attire. That’s right, shirt and tie, dress pants, dress shoes, the whole bit. He blew by me with class. I definitely want to be that guy at least once in my life.