The Worst Death Imaginable – For a Rat

I was reading the Internet the other day and I came across a story about some plant that was discovered. But this plant wasn’t like most other plants. No. It’s claim to fame is that it eats rats. And by eats, I mean slowly dissolves.

So imagine this. You’re a rat. A well-groomed rat, not one of the disgusting ones. You’ve been rummaging in the forest all day. You’re tired. You’re a little thirsty. You see a bizarre looking plant that has a weird looking pouch. You imagine that crisp, tropical rainfall has been collecting in that pouch. Beautiful, thirst-quenching tropic rain.

You say, what the hell. In fact, as a rat, you’re known for trying new things. For being a little crazy. So, you walk up to the plant. Give it a quick look… everything checks out. You climb on top. You dip your little rat tongue into the water.

“Delicious” you say.

You decide, you know what? I’m covered in sick rat sweat. If I’m to maintain my stature as a well-groomed rat, maybe I’ll take a little dip. Maybe you’ll even get a little naughty and skinny dip. Which may actually be impossible because you’re covered in fur, but just imagine.

So, you do a quick scan of the forest. No one’s around. A little rat alone time. So, you jump into this deciduous pouch of cool, smooth tropical rain.

“CANNONBALL” you yell.

As soon as you’re inside, you notice things aren’t going well. It’s a lot deeper than you thought. You start to tingle. Maybe its just the anti-oxidants and whatever else inside the soothing tropical rain. The tingle isn’t your problem. You got so caught up in the moment that you didn’t think about getting out of this pouch. It’s always been your problem. You’ve always been a real “live in the moment” kind of rat.

You panic. You try to keep yourself cool, but the tingle is getting worse. Large patches of your hair start to disappear. You kick your legs harder. You get tired. The tingling is still worse.

What you didn’t know is that the beautiful liquid you thought was just tropical rain was actually full of an enzyme the plant created that will slowly dissolve you.

“OH GOD!! OH NO!!!” you scream.

You are slowly being dissolved inside a plant. Of all the ways to die – this is definitely the worst. You’re still alive as it eats away your skin to the bone.

“WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!!” You try to reason.

But it’s too late. Things are too far in motion. You’re going to be killed by a god damn plant.

Wouldn’t that be awful? Let’s all be thankful we’re not rats in the Philippines.