Random Free Piece of Crap
Currently it’s a hardened glue stick for use in a hot glue gun. Two weeks ago it was one of those heavy-duty paper clips that you find lying around the office from time to time. I don’t know what it is, but I’m always messing around with something, entertaining myself with a pen in one hand and this random, free piece of crap in the other. But as time has gone on, I’ve noticed some patterns that have begun to emerge with these time-wasters…I really don’t know when it happened, when twirling a pen on one hand became unimpressive and boring, when I started looking elsewhere for entertainment. And for some reason, I always land on stuff that would absolutely have been thrown away had I not rescued it from its gross fate. Here are some other things I’ve noticed:
Must be free. This ‘toy’ must be free in every sense of the word. If you paid even a nickel for it, if you traded some bum on the corner for it, you spent too much and you defeated the purpose of your random find. You’ll burn out on it infinitely quicker than if you’d spent nothing on it.
Must be found or discovered in the office. This rule is two-fold. One, you must find your new entertainment in the confines of your office, of the place you work. Whether it be a pencil eraser, a pen cap, magnets, it must not come from home. If you’re packing things in your briefcase that you think would keep you entertained during a casual work day, throw it away immediately.
Two, if this toy’s brilliance is discovered while at work, it counts. Here’s an example to illustrate what I mean. Say you go to lunch and you get a drink. If you choose to pick up a complimentary straw while you’re there, and then chew it for the next three hours at work, it counts. I currently have a coffee stir on my desk that I’ve chewed and bent and played with since last Wednesday. And I didn’t discover it’s worth until midway through the day.
Dropping it on the floor boosts its credibility. If you drop this thing on the floor, preferably more than once, it means you’re handling it a lot. It also means it’s entertaining you like you never thought possible. And if you pick it up and continue to mess with it after dropping it on your sick floor, well, you’re winning.
It must be something that you would never play with at home. The main thing boosting the genius of this device is its unfounded capacity to entertain you at work. What this means is, if you take it home and play with it, where there are lots of other captivating alternatives like unblocked websites, television, books, dinner, roommates, jogs, pets and the rest, then this thing clearly isn’t the discovery we thought it was. Let’s just call it a stress ball and get the whole thing over with.
Your co-workers can’t understand it. Now, knowing that every single one of your co-workers has this same little vice, only of a different format, this is a hard one to accomplish. But look around. You’ll notice that no one has taken to the missing screw from the desk lamp more than you have. And you sometimes even get comments and weird stares because it’s the object of your attention so much. But that’s just the way it is. Don’t worry. If you look closely, they’ve got the same problem you have.
Must occupy a specific part of your desk. Now, I know we’re not all clean-freaks, but even for those of you who haven’t see the wood/faux wood of your desk in years, the real test is whether or not you’re able to find this ‘toy’ quicker than an email from last Thursday. Our guess is, when 11:30 rolls around and you’re counting the minutes til’ lunch, you’ll know exactly where to turn.
So what do you think, dear readers? Are there any rules we left out for these random pieces of crap that entertain us so well? Or are we just way off base? What objects have gotten you through a slow Tuesday in the past? What about now? Extra points for the most random/crappiest.
Moving from office to office sucks…but then I found an unopened bag of rubber bands and decided to make a baseball-sized rubber band ball. Hours of fun.