Medieval World’s Worst Wonder
A while ago we chronicled the worst of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Now it’s time to think about the worst wonder of the Medieval world.
And, the winner is… Stonehenge. I really can’t explain to you how stupid this thing is. I’ve been to Stonehenge – it’s not impressive. I suppose it makes the whole “greatest wonder” because when you see it, you briefly think, “I wonder what all the fuss is about?”
Sure, there are a bunch of huge rocks and I’m sure it was tough getting them there from Wales and into place. But you have to think, back then they probably had slave labor and simple machines. Given simple machines and slave labor the Egyptians made pyramids and stuff. When you see this thing in person it just looks like a circle of stupid rocks. You can’t even get close to it. I’m sorry, but this thing just isn’t in the same league as the others.
Here are the rest:
- Great Wall of China: You can see this thing from space. I’m pretty sure thousands/millions of ancient Chinamen died and were shoved into this wall, so it doubles as a burial shrine of sorts. My only problem is that this thing didn’t really work. If you really wanted to take over China, wouldn’t you just go around it? You would, right? That’s what Gengis Khan thought too.
- Leaning Tower of Pisa: This bell tower leans. IT LEANS. You can’t beat that with a stick. Also, Italy has good food. Two for Two.
- Colosseum: I’ve been to this one too. It’s incredible and huge. I think this one makes the list solely because it represents the Roman Empire and gladiators and the movie Gladiator. And everyone loves the Roman Empire and gladiators and the movie Gladiator. Including me.
- Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa: No idea what this is. But the name is awesome. I’m willing to give it a pass solely on the name. Also, this line found on its Wikipedia page: “According to tradition, this is a mass burial chamber for the humans and animals massacred by order of the Emperor Caracalla.” Works for me.
- Porcelain Tower of Nanjing: This thing was intense. It looked like a huge pinecone. Not to mention, it was in China and something about the East is mysterious and cool. Apparently it was struck by lightening once, so that’s cool too. You think Stonehenge could get struck by lightening and survive? Nope. It’d probably blow up. Honestly though, this is probably the second most sucky wonder.
- Hagia Sophia: This is a sweet patriarchal basilica/mosque/museum in Istanbul or is it Constantinople? Not only does this wonder have a sweet name but its pictures look pretty cool. Way more interesting that a cluster of stupid rocks. I bet it’d be pretty dramatic to get married in this thing.
So, as you can see from my in-depth analysis, Stonehenge sucks.
I went to Stonehenge once and was more underwhelmed than the time I visited Idaho. I don’t know what was less satisfying, my Burger King breakfast sandwich that I ate on the bus ride to Stonehenge, or the actual pile of rocks that masquerades as a Medieval Wonder. On a lighter note, I did see a guy that was dressed as Merlin prancing about, which proves my theory that Stonehenge is for nerds and lonely people.
You are absolutely right about Stonehenge. I would wager that it probably isn’t even the best henge of the medieval world.
In fact, a quick wikipedia search for henges states that Stonehenge isn’t actually a henge at all because it doesn’t conform to the international rules of henge construction.
Stonehenge, stop being that guy. You are blacklisted.